Say What You Think

I have never been one to beat around the bush, quite the opposite in fact. But recently I have found myself biting my lip and sometimes my tongue so hard that I nearly draw blood. A gruesome image I know but I just get so frustrated with things and at times I just want to throw a blunt object at a wall over and over again until I have forgotten what it was I was so upset with in the first place. Of course there are many places where you can’t throw said objects at said wall due to the fact it is frowned upon in many circles. I don’t know why it is frowned upon it seems perfectly fair to me to be able to release the tension without releasing someone’s head from there body. Of course this is wrong and I would never do it. So instead I bite my lip and tongue quite literally at times. I wish I didn’t but you can’t smoke on a bus or in the many other places I find this feeling a pure rage at other peoples stupidity. I realise this may sound as though I feel I always know best and for the most part I know this not to be true. I do have a sound understanding of many things in life but I also realise that one man can’t know everything. Not even Steven Hawkins knows everything. (OR DOES HE?)

It is not healthy to bottle up feelings, I find that if something needs to be said it is best off to just come out an say it. It could be a joke that has you laughing under your breath to yourself or it could be telling some you like them. In many cases the things that we bottle up are in fact negative feelings and thoughts to another person you are somehow close to.

The person could be a colleague, a lecturer it could be a mate. Whoever it is it really shouldn’t matter. Negativity is a bad thing and has no place in my world. So why am I not saying how I feel to people currently? All of my life I have opened up and just come out with it. Is this finally me growing up? I didn’t think this day would ever come. I am normally to busy coming up with my next one liner to think about other things that much. But here I am getting frustrated about to blow worse than a volcano that has been dormant for decades and still, the words do not come out. I don’t believe I have turned over a new leaf, this whole thinking before saying for me is like turning over the whole damn forest.

So in future if you ever see me right a comment on Facebook and I do not wish to divulge why that comment was written on my own page, then don’t bloody push me. If I have something to say it will be said.  But it will not be the 21year old Marc who would come out firing on all cylinders because the world owed me a favour. It will not be the 25year old Marc who was getting cocky as he thought he was just plain better than you. It will be the new and improved 30year old Marc who is old enough now to know better.

You have to ask yourself, why is that person annoying you? Are you to tired? Is it their fauly they are annoying you or is there some underlying issue that is out of their control? At the end of it all you don’t know and chances are you never will. So instead, write  a blog and hope it gets read. After all, I certainly feel better now.

That’s it for now,

All the best

MRWG

 

Say What You Think

To Read or Not To Read!

After working in the same job for eight years now without any hope of promotion, I decided I needed to do something about it. So I started to search for other jobs in another organisation that would match my ambitious targets. After applying for several different places it became apparent that due to my lack of qualifications I couldn’t get a foot in the door despite my wealth of work experience and knowledge that should be more important. The world has moved in peculiar ways over recent times. It seems that paperwork is more important than years of practical experience. With this in mind I decided to start looking for a course which would enable me to gain the qualification the employer’s desire.
I started university this year at the grand old age of 30, a mature student only in name and not in behaviour. For the most part this is true I do like to be the class clown and crack the occasional joke or two. There is no better feeling than a quick quip that has the whole classroom not sure whether they are allowed to laugh at my personal micky taking. However the first few weeks have taught me lots. I am doing a certificate in management studies with the aim of becoming a manager at a sight loss charity in the future. I am learning some key skills and also confirming some common sense facts that I already know. The main thing I am learning though is that libraries and many websites are not set up in a way that someone with severe sight loss is able to access with any ease at all. The staff at campus must be getting a bit tired of me complaining about the set up. It’s not their fault I know but they are the ones that take the full force of my displeasure at such limited IT systems. IT don’t seem to care about making the changes either, so long as they are sat in their boiling hot, windowless office setting up the next Apple Mac they are happy. New toys for the IT guys and lack of interest for the blind guy.
There are three different libraries on three separate campuses and only one computer on each site has accessible software on. Now if I were the only one that would be using this software throughout the entire university then that would be fine right? Well, I am sure with all of the thousands of students that study at the university I simply can’t be the only one. In fact my support worker has told me she supports someone else with sight loss so I know I am not alone.
So, what happens when more than one person wishes to use the accessible computer? The other is left outside in the cold. I suppose you could always walk 9miles to the other campus if you were that desperate. Trying to find it could be difficult however. Then of course if you make it to the other campus you have the find the mysterious accessible machine that probably doesn’t work or is totally out of date so it doesn’t do the correct job anyway.
Moving onto the online library, I have never been much of a reader, wasn’t interested in reading A Song of Ice and Fire or The Lord of the Rings, I would much sooner watch the screen adaptation with a good bit of Audio Description, so you could forgive me for not being up to date with the library vernacular. When it comes to searching for books and journals it simply can’t be that tough right? Wrong, never more wrong and simply wrong. I have more chance of finding a symbol cane in a junk yard than I would ever have of finding my way around the online library with any degree of continued success. Mainly this is due to the fact nothing is labelled correctly and therefore isn’t read aloud by my software , but also the poor colour contrast on screen which you can’t change. All in all this makes for a very unpleasant experience which leads you to be very frustrated and not want to bother. The amount of headaches I have endured trying to read about motivation theory you wouldn’t believe. Ironic really that I lose motivation struggling to find a journal on motivation theory.
I have to say however the librarians themselves have been nothing short of miraculous at times and have been kind enough to scan books in and copy them into text documents which are so much easier to read. This gives me the level playing field I was promised by the disability department from the start. After all that’s all I need to give myself a good chance of succeeding with my studies. A level playing field and the will power to get through no matter what.
Keeping a full time job as well as doing this course is without doubt going to be a challenge but one that will no doubt be worthwhile in the long term. I will keep you posted on my progression.
That’s it for now.
MRWG
To Read or Not To Read!

Let’s Talk About Sight Baby

Just recently there have been a lot of online contributions about ‘What I See’. More people with sight loss are trying to explain what they can see. I find this notion very difficult indeed to describe to people. I mean it isn’t that I can’t say what I do see but how can I tell you what I don’t see? I would never know it wasn’t there. So when people ask the age old question ‘So what can you see’? After I shake off the utter distain for the 12 milliontth  time I have been asked this question I realise again it is near impossible for me to put into words the blurry nothingness that is my vision. But never the less, if I carry my moses stick I will always be asked the same question. So, I simply reply, ‘I see shapes of things and not much more’. This is about the size of it. I see shapes, some big some small. But they are all shapes. This doesn’t really answer the question properly but it seems to satisfy.

I am a very outgoing person, I enjoy a good drink and I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy making people laugh and I enjoy a game of pool. I am not your ‘stereotypical blind person’. This whole idea that if you have a white stick you must be completely blind and not ever do anything to enjoy yourself and improve your life is utterly laughable. It still gets to me when you hear people say ‘look at him on his phone, he aint blind’. Or if you are walking down the high street there is always one or two that have the odd word to say as they are walking past. Granted these are few and far between but still.

I often feel like turning around and saying ‘look at you with your stupid face and crappy dress sense, you must be blind yourself. When it comes to it, just because someone has a white stick, it doesn’t mean they are totally blind and it certainly doesn’t mean they are anything less than anyone else. It is the shameful few that like to act like bullies because they never grew up before they started to reproduce themselves. It does make me rather concerned about the future at times.

The bottom line is, a lot of people with sight loss will use some kind of walking aid, could be a dog it could be a cane. But it is not anyone elses right to doubt that person and to fling abuse there way for no reason other than your own self pity from your own unfulfilled life.

I realise this page is entitled Real Life Humour and for the most part that is what I aim to write, but there are times when you just have to get something off your chest before you can start to find the funny side of things again.

That’s it for now, Next time I will try and be a bit more upbeat.

MRWG

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk About Sight Baby