Have you ever thought to yourself that you could get more sense from talking to a wall rather than someone you are actually having a conversation with? I genuinely was talking to a wall the other day when a voice piped up and asked ‘what are you on about?’ little did I know I was standing right next to the changing room area in Primark. I jumped out of my skin. I actually thought the mannequin I knocked over had come back for some revenge. At the time I was genuinely terrified, until the curtain swung open and out popped a regular human being.
This isn’t restricted to blind and visually impaired people either. When you are doing something and then you get a fright caused by something unexpected, you jump out of your skin. They say you have a guilty conscience if this happens. Has it ever happened to you? What are you feeling guilty about? I thought my mind was quite clear, then I was walking to work the other day and a tree made me react in the same way as the talking wall from before. Damn thing smashed me in the face, didn’t apologise and then got on with its oxygen producing day. Little did it know the devastation it caused me that morning. Normally I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. I react quick enough to dodge them and if they are causing me too much grief, you may well see me snapping some branches. I have lost count of how many branches I have left strewn on the floor after they have ruined my perfectly well-groomed hair. Not a good way to start the day. This time I must have had something on my mind, and it hit me full on. The worse thing is, I apologised to a tree. I apologise to all sorts of things. You name it, A Boards, trees, benches, people, cars, lamp posts and even things that aren’t even there. I was walking along an empty street the other day, could swear I nearly knocked over a dwarf. But when I turned around to check, there was nothing there. I still apologised.
The one and only time I lose my will to apologise is when someone is walking along and playing on their mobile phone at the same time. If they walk into me, that’s on them. I aint moving. Pay attention and my cane won’t ‘accidently’ go between your legs. It’s funny how fast that cane can move north even though I was only trained to go side to side.
The other time is push bikes on the pavement, at times I actively try and get in there way. They should be on the road. The only wheels that should be on the path are buggies, wheelchair and shopping trollies (children not included in this)
Anyway, just some randomness from a day in my life.
That’s it for now.
Given the fact this blog is called real life humour I do aim to write some comedy in all my posts. However today is different. I will not use any jokes at all and you will find out why as you read on.
Depression is no laughing matter, chances are if you live with sight loss you may well have been through it. There are many feelings and emotion that can lead to someone feeling down and depressed and it is extremely difficult to talk about it. The empty feeling you get when you feel all alone and that no one has ever been through what you feel now and that nothing can ever make the feeling of dread go away. I have been there myself, I was newly diagnosed with my sight loss, I had just lost my girlfriend my job and what felt like everything good about my once beautiful exhistance. It is one place I wish never to visit again. At the time you just don’t know what to do with yourself. You just keep living out the same stuff in your mind over and over again.
If you are reading this and you can relate to it but you have got through the down times and are now feeling good, you will know that there is no set course to make things better. The trigger comes when you least expect it and without prior warning. It could be a new job, it could be reluctantly spending time with friends you ignored for a while or it could be a smile from a beautiful person that you like. Whatever it is can’t be forced but you have to believe will come along sooner or later.
This year to people I know and was very fond of haven’t been able to get through the depression and instead have taken there own lives. I can’t imagine how down you have to be to do something like this. I was low and thought about it several times but could never act on it. It is a very sad time when something like this happens but at the same time it made me want to write about it to say to anyone that may read this post, you are not alone. if you ever feel that low there are always people around that want to listen and want to help you. Whether it’s your doctor, family or friend there is always someone you can rely on to support you through any period of feeling down. It may be difficult to approach the subject to someone you are close to and if that’s the case there is always the Samaritans.
Please do not feel isolated if you feel depressed, please talk to someone and sooner or later the trigger that will help you through the tough time will happen and you can start to rebuild your life back to the beautiful person you should be.
This has been a tough one to write and I am doing it in one take so that my feelings do not get blurred and that I don’t edit what I truly want to say. If there are any spelling mistakes then please do excuse me.
That’s it for now
A very emotional MRWG.
Some of my sight impaired friends may not know this but on the back of a lot of service vehicles such as delivery vans and lorry’s have stickers on the back that say how am I driving? They follow this with a phone number so that you can ring cousin Jimmy’s boss to let him know that my word you have never seen a corner taken quite as well as what cousin Jimmy did this afternoon by the roundabout next to lidl. Come on, you all have to admit no one in that right mind has ever done this. But the sticker remains none the less. I often feel like ringing the company and having a moan about cousin Jimmy as his hands were not at the 10 and 2 position. But the how am I driving idea to me breads so much more thought than just van drivers delivering sandwiches to the local Co-Op. For me I am constantly berating drivers stood there in the middle of the street frantically waving my Moses Stick at there car not having a clue if they are paying any attention. You can only imagine they aren’t. If they were they wouldn’t have turned that corner that quick and nearly run me down in the prime of my life on a zebra crossing. By the way zebra crossings are evil and should be banned. Effectively it is a stand off between me and the car on the road that I can’t quite see well enough. You never know when a car will speed round the corner startling me just like the jack in the box scaring the living daylights out of me when I was a kid. The stand off comes to an end when the guy in the car waves his hand at you but you can’t tell he is doing so because like my Moses stick would suggest my eyes don’t really work too well. So then he flashes his light which blinds me even further. Thanks for that cousin Jimmy. Then after a good 7 seconds of sheer panic at the zebra which is there to protect you, you step out. What does cousin Jimmy do, he revs his engine as he is fed up with waiting. I can’t blame him, that’s seven seconds of his life I just wasted whilst trying to protect my own life from ending. But it’s to late, you have made the first step. This turns into either rage or panic, you either turn and start shouting what are you doing you idiot, this is a zebra crossing and its for me to cross AARRRGGGHHH. Or you end up doing a stylish ballerina move that you have never been taught probably looking like a complete fool and end up back where you started all over again. Oh dear, sorry cousin Jimmy, your going to have to wait ten seconds now until I am 100% sure I can go. Yes, this time I am going to make you wait longer just because you made me jump out of skin.
Zebra crossings are not meant to be a place where you fear for your life but I have had so many experience of idiot drivers on the roads I choose to be as careful as I can. One of the only times in my life I am that careful. Crossing roads with sight loss is not easy, I will happily wait for ages whilst other people are walking casually across the traffic lights because they can see well enough to know a car isn’t coming. The reason I wait is I value my life. Drivers don’t seem to value theres all the time. This doesn’t go for every driver of course. But as I said, I have had a lot of near hit experiences and do not wish to have any more.
I appreciate I am not a driver and have never actually held a driving licence but I have taken lessons in the past, I have taken and passed a theory test and I do know a good deal of the Highway Code. So I drives me mad when I am stood on the crossing waiting to cross the road, and a car pulls up clearly knowing his vehicle will not fit into the gap left by the driver in front who is now stuck in rush hour traffic. So why indeed does the new car decide to enter the crossing box and block us poor pedestrians in? It annoys the hell out of me. I don’t always see it and when I ‘accidentally’ hit the car with my Moses stick, I am the one in the wrong. Sorry cousin Jimmy, you shouldn’t have pulled up there. If you didn’t, we wouldn’t have had this problem.
Thats it for now.
All the best